Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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