I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
