just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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