just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
