I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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