he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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