I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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