this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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