My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
