he shaved USA in his pubs
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
