mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
did you just send me my own nude
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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