Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
