super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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