who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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