my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
