Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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