Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
