I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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