Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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