Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize