Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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