its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
