I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
