all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
