wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize