the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to make a zoo with you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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