Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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