absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
