So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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