I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
