Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
