did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
