The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
