i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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