at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
