My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
