Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
