What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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