i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
