Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
