just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
