i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
