ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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