For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
