K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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