Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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