somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
