i was born a porn star she said
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
