Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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