I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
