I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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