I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
