Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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