I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
