but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
