Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
