I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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