As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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