I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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