Tell her she can't have a vagina
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
