did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
