I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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