Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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