you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
