I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
